


Pushing Boundaries

by mogwai_do



Series: Confessions and Absolutions [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:33:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mogwai_do/pseuds/mogwai_do
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shifting boundaries and the nature of reciprocation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pushing Boundaries

Morning comes abruptly as it always does - too many years in the military have meant I go from fast asleep to wide awake in the time it takes me to open my eyes - for a moment though the unusual circumstances make me wonder if I'm still dreaming.

I'm lying on my back and Daniel has moved with me in the night until he's pressed against my side. His arm is stretched across my stomach, holding me loosely and a little possessively, but strangely I don't mind. His nose is pressing gently against my bare shoulder and when I shift a little his lips press against my skin in a sort of kiss and his grip tightens momentarily. I smile, threat assessment complete and it's all very real, but Daniel is no threat to me. I can feel his hard cock nudge my hip and even that fails to bother me. I'm half hard myself and I honestly can't say if it's a morning thing, a warm body thing, or a Daniel thing. All three probably to some degree or other. It's been a long time since I've had the simple pleasure of waking up with someone close and I find the gender of that someone really has no bearing on the enjoyment.

I watch Daniel sleep with a feeling of contentment that analysis would spoil. I still can't believe Daniel did that for me last night. His cock was hard by the time he finished, which was a revelation in itself, that I apparently do it for him, but he didn't ask for anything. He just led me back to bed and seemed perfectly content for us just to sleep together in the literal sense. I think I was in a mild state of shock to be honest, but it seemed perfectly natural to pull him into my arms and hold him close, just as it had been to kiss him as I came down from that orgasmic high.

I'm not sure if I can explain what it was he did for me last night, not even to myself. I suppose in literal terms he gave me a rather inexpert blowjob, his first unless I'm very much mistaken, but I'll take feelings over finesse and emotion over expertise any day and what I felt from Daniel then... I guess for all I know and trust him, I couldn't really believe Daniel actually meant what he said about loving me. It's not that I think he'd lie, but he's been mistaken on the feelings thing before.

I've seen the way he loves; I know how passionate he can be in his beliefs, how stubborn and how brave. I still have difficulty believing I could be the focus of that determined love, but I take comfort from the fact that I know how rarely Daniel is wrong when he's as sure as this. Right now he's sure of himself and he's sure of me - _I'm_ not sure of me and his faith in me is humbling. I love him dearly, I really, truly do, but I'm not sure if it's the sort of love that will be enough for him, that he deserves. There's only one way I know of to know for sure - the acid test, aptly named given the way my stomach is churning at the prospect, but in my head at least I'm strangely fearless. I need Daniel not to push and I know he won't. He'll coax and encourage and argue if he has to and he'll hope, but he won't push. That's up to me.

The kissing was nice, very nice in fact. Comfortable. Nerves aside, it reminded me less of a first kiss and more like the sort of kisses Sara and I shared after we'd been married a while - more acknowledgement than passion, though we had our passion too. It would kind of figure that Daniel and I would take this all backwards, start off like an old, married couple and work backwards to our Honeymoon, but maybe that's how it has to be when you've known each other as long and through as much as we have. We know each other too well to really be uncomfortable with each other, even adding this new dimension to our relationship isn't enough to throw us, last night was proof of that.

Last night... last night I was too shaken from my nightmare, too uncertain of my own reactions to know how to respond, but I acted instinctively and that seemed to be enough for Daniel even though at the time it was pushing my own boundaries. Now though, with him nestled so trustingly against me and my nightmare distant, I find myself wanting to push those boundaries a little more. Strangely it's not about repaying Daniel for his actions last night; I just want to make him feel good. I want him to _know_ I love him as best I can and I've always been much better at show than tell. I'm a little surprised at how much I actually want to do this for him, even though I'm not entirely sure I can. There's only one way to find out though and the choice is all mine.

His skin beneath my fingers is surprisingly smooth, smooth enough that I can feel the tiny scars he got from shrapnel on a long ago busted mission. I let my hands roam lightly, more exploratory than arousing, I don't want to wake him yet. I know Daniel's body well already, but not in this context and the difference is bewildering. It takes a little manoeuvring, but I manage to slide down the bed until my head is level with Daniel's. He always looks kind of dopey when he's asleep, Carter thinks it's cute, but she's smart enough not to tell him that.

Free to observe and not be observed in return I study his face. It's no different really than it was before, than I've always seen him - I look at him and he's just... Daniel. But my eyes drift to his mouth and I remember viscerally what it was like to kiss him, to be kissed by him and it sparks a sweet fire. Daniel is my best friend. Daniel is safe. Kissing is safe too, they were more interested in other uses for my mouth than that... Daniel snuffles a little in his sleep and my thoughts get back on track. Kissing Daniel is... something that needs further investigation.

Before I can let myself reconsider I cover Daniel's mouth with my own. There's a brief surprised umph and Daniel's eyes fly open, then they drift shut again as he opens beneath me with a soft moan. His arm tightens around my shoulders, holding tight for a moment then loosening so I'm not trapped. Perceptive guy our Daniel. This kiss puts all our previous efforts to shame, it's a real lovers' kiss, long-time lovers at that. Tongues are getting involved and though it's slow, it's sweetly hungry. If I ever had any doubts about how much Daniel trusted me, they'd be long gone by now. My hands find the hem of his t-shirt and my fingers sneak up inside it to sample skin while Daniel's hands do some wandering of their own. The one that had been around my shoulders has moved up to cup the back of my head, long fingers furrowing my hair as if he can't bear to let me go. The other has begun a slow trail down my spine, a firm touch that's very much in-keeping with his whole peaceful explorer thing. Though I've never told him, I've always had a high regard for the respect and tolerance Daniel shows the people we meet through the Gate - except for the snakes of course, but then they ask for everything they get and then some.

I'm not sure how long we spend just kissing and touching - there's no just about it really though. It's deeply arousing and strangely comfortable at the same time. Somehow we've moved so that our groins are pressed together, though we're still clothed our hips are moving in sync, but there's no urgency to it yet. The thought strikes me that this is very mutual, we're equal - the way it's supposed to be. Neither of us is pushing anything, except in the literal sense... it's all weirdly natural and instinctive, like our friendship at its best when we're all but reading each others' minds.

Even though I really can't seem to get enough of Daniel's mouth and he doesn't seem to have any problem with that at all, I kind of want to see what other things he likes. It shouldn't really be a surprise that my linguist likes kisses with lots of tongue. My linguist... I didn't mean to think that, but when I did I meant it. How deep am I going to find this thing between us goes? I think I already know, but I have to look at the truth sideways, only let myself see it in glimpses because I know I'm not ready to face all the consequences yet - and I don't mean the military thing. Baby steps now, with Daniel here to catch me if I fall, my safety net and my reward.

Daniel makes a breathless little groan when I finally manage to extricate myself from his kisses. I skim my lips along his jaw, feeling the faint prickle of stubble, alien from this perspective. Daniel arches his neck to give me better access and I go with the flow. Daniel's skin is sleep warm and smells faintly of the shower gel he borrowed last night, the taste though is pure Daniel... well, maybe a hint of coffee. His hands skim my back and he's murmuring things just on the edge of comprehension. I guess it's safe to say I do it for Daniel - somehow. If this is the reaction I get now I have to wonder what he'll do if I step up the pace. Thought becomes action without any conscious decision on my part. I scoot down as my hands slide up, taking Daniel's t-shirt with them and exposing his chest and stomach.

I hear a brief, startled interrogative, but I ignore it. Daniel's chest is smooth and broad, very different from my own lean and lanky build. Being on SG-1 has done a lot for what was once a fairly geeky physique. I run my fingers lightly over the muscular contours, feeling the strength beneath, enough now to match his strength of character. It gives me pause, but only for a moment, it is Danny's strength after all.

I continue my visual and tactile exploration more slowly now and Daniel lets me. I have no idea what he's thinking - I could probably guess, but this is taking all my focus. If I need to know any of Daniel's thoughts, I have no doubt he'll tell me. I press my lips over his heart and feel it thudding behind his ribs, faster than normal, keeping pace with his arousal which is hard against my side. It takes an effort of will to move my mouth, to kiss and taste him here as I did his throat. There's something a little uncomfortable and undeniably intimate about it, but once I begin it becomes easier, gathering momentum. Daniel shudders delightfully when I paint his abdominal muscles with broad strokes of my tongue, the whimpering is just an added bonus. I can feel his cock nudging hot against my chest, leaving damp trails on my skin, but I ignore it as best I can. Despite my intentions I really can't think about it yet, instead I devote myself to making Danny writhe.

I can feel the tension in his limbs beneath me, the effort he's putting into not losing control. Part of me wants to see him lose it, to see how wild I can make him, but I know I'm not ready for that yet. Instead I'm grateful that as hard as I may be making it for him he won't give in. I think Daniel's the only one I'd ever trust to have that sort of self-control. It should have some sort of reward...

A hot tongue dipping into his navel has Daniel arching with a choked gasp that might have been my name and I play for long minutes, losing myself in the responses of the body beneath me. In my own way I'm as lost as Daniel in this. I need the foreplay, I need the freedom to touch as and when I want to, I need to be able to give this rather than have it taken from me. I don't know if Daniel knows that, but his actions couldn't be more perfect if he did.

There's a certain perverse pleasure in using the skills that were beaten into me to pleasure my best friend. They used it to try and break me, but it's only made me stronger; instead of humiliating me, right now I actually feel almost proud. There's no hesitation as I scoot down a little further and slide his shorts off his hips. It's been years since I last did this, but it's not something I'm ever likely to forget. I open wide and take him deep, a slight pause to adjust and then I swallow. Daniel practically comes off the bed and I've no idea what he said, since it wasn't any of the languages I speak, but it certainly didn't sound bad. I know he's close, I planned it that way; I couldn't take the chance that I'd have to do this so long the memories would be able to crack my focus. I kind of regret that decision now, seeing the effect I'm having on Daniel. I slowly slide up off his cock, sucking and adding pressure with my tongue, doing everything I know feels good. When I reach the crown I let my tongue flicker over the head, tasting Daniel's clean, bittersweet essence for the first time. He's trying to say something, but the linguist can't form the words and all he succeeds in are gasps and whimpers. His hands are fisting in the bedding in his desperation and I smile internally at my best friend's determination not to hurt me. Feeling suddenly strangely secure I take him deep and take my hands from his hips, swallowing rapidly so my throat muscles ripple over his cock. The result is spectacular, Daniel loses it completely, comes right off the bed with a scream that is undeniably my name, burying himself so far down my throat I could kiss his balls as I swallow everything he gives me.

Daniel drops back down to the bed as I slowly suckle my way off him. His hands abandon their deathgrip on the sheets to stroke gently over my shoulders and hair as I catch a few deep breaths. When I look up at him, his eyes are the softest I've ever seen them. His hands slip under my shoulders and with a tug he draws me up and into a soft kiss, tasting himself in my mouth. We part slightly breathless, more from our earlier exertions and the feelings behind them than from such a sweet kiss. Daniel's hands are moving slowly over my skin, soothing tremors I hadn't even registered. I don't know what he sees when he studies me so carefully, but his eyes are soft with concern. I try for a reassuring smile, but judging from his expression I don't quite make it. I close my eyes when he stretches up and I feel the whisper of a kiss over each eyelid before I feel his lips on my own again. I open immediately to his prompting tongue, letting him take whatever he wants, but true to type all he does is give. I have never felt so exposed, stripped bare to Daniel's perceptive soul. I've given up my defences without meaning to and it's uncomfortable but strangely okay all the same. I open my eyes slowly to see a solemn expression I've seen only a few times before.

"I'd have given an awful lot for you not to be so good at that."

Despite Daniel's somewhat ambiguous wording I know exactly what he means and I know my smile is a little sad as I lean forward and kiss him lightly. "Me too."

Under Daniel's patient, careful touch the trembling has eased and when he prompts me I settle easily against him. His arms wrap around me and I rest my head on his shoulder, comfortable with the reversal of our usual roles. The hard-on I woke with is no longer an issue and in a way I'm a bit disappointed, but I know my limits and it's just as well. It was surprisingly hot to see Daniel come - to _make_ Daniel come. He kept the memories away just by virtue of being Daniel - generous, patient and my friend. Next time... and I'm not really surprised to realise that the tactical part of my brain is already planning a next time. Next time we'll take the mutual thing all the way, just like Danny wants though he's too cautious to ask. I've threat-assessed and decided I can do this for Daniel - I _want_ to do it for myself.

I can hear his heartbeat steady beneath my ear and his hands continue to stroke soothingly up and down my spine. For someone as allegedly non-tactile as Daniel, he sure seems to have picked up the habit pretty quickly. I'd comment on it, but right now I'm too tired, physically from the mission and emotionally from everything else. The scent and feel of Daniel, safe and familiar from so many missions, are lulling me to sleep far more efficiently than I would have expected. His presence follows me into dreams and with Daniel standing guard I'm certain that my nightmares will know better than to try.

 

FIN


End file.
